Last Night’s GOP Debate

Report of last night’s GOP Debate. This is the last debate before the Iowa caucus on January 3rd. Postmortem over all the debates I’ve covered coming tomorrow, but here’s the postmortem from tonight:

Winners:

Jon Huntsman for showing some balls and proclaiming: “We are getting screwed as Americans!” At least someone’s noticed. He also discussed our relationship with China as being multi-faceted, and suggested the rate of undocumented workers in the US slowing is due to it basically sucking here. Huntsman said he would not sign any “silly pledges” or attend a Trump debate. He continues to establish himself as the adult in the room.
Ron Paul for pointing out other candidates wish to declare war on Muslims, and radical Muslims want to bomb us because SURPRISE! - you bomb people and it pisses them off. He said we’re posting on Iran, and that we cannot get involved into another war - essentially, we don’t need another Iraq. Paul shouldn’t be the voice of reason in any debate, but in today’s GOP, he is somehow that voice of reason.

Rick Perry’s pharmacist. I just have a feeling, okay?

Bret Baier’s war boner for Iran because Santorum and Romney totally stroked it.

President Barack Obama because reasons. Seriously, all he has to do is play clips from this or other debates.

Losers:

My ass. All these people want to crawl up in there and dictate what goes on - it’s mine, y’all.

Michele Bachmann because she actually had to petulantly remind us she’s a serious candidate. Newt Gingrich challenged her on her shit and she said, “I’m a serious candidate for president of the United States, and my facts are accurate.” She cited PolitiFact for support, claiming that they said everything she said at the last debate was true. They disagreed.
Bachmann also said she’d bring in all the congresspeople under her wing to get things done. So new foster kids? She further called for abolishing courts who don’t follow the US Constitution and the law, forgetting that 8th Grade Civics says the judicial branch is the interpreter of law. She and Gingrich got into it after Gingrich taunted her over not knowing facts. Like Gingrich has a monopoly on facts.

Rick Perry for his bizarre claim regarding Iran coming to us through Mexico, along with Hamas, and somehow, all of them are working with drug cartels. He tried to rest on his laurels after making a Tim Tebow funny, but it didn’t work - the Tebow crack didn’t carry him through the whole thing. Defending energy policy, he said, “I like the Tenth Amendment a lot.” He said he’s beginning to enjoy debates, and that he and Obama would “get it on.” I know he meant debate-wise, but it was still squirmy. Honestly, he came off better than usual, which for Perry means the bar of expectations is buried so low in the ground, he’s gotta trip over it once in awhile. During a question on Texas agriculture, he either showed us his George W. Bush impression or was channeling Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford on SNL (“I was told there would be no math…”).

Rick Santorum because he claimed the radical theocracy in Iran was so awful and terrible, yet saw no problem with defending abolishing courts for making decisions he disagrees with on a religious basis. He was positively bursting with braggadocio after crowing about leading the campaign to remove Iowa Supreme Court Justices for ruling bans on same-sex marriage unconstitutional.
Santorum made an odd point about Romney approving of same-sex marriage because the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court held that state may not “deny the protections, benefits and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry” but gave the legislature 180 days to “take such action as it may deem appropriate” before issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. In other words, make the law folks, because it’s coming down the pipe. He claimed Romney could resist the highest court in the land (at the state level).
Newt Gingrich for being a condescending a-hole to the moderators, Michele Bachmann, and the audience. His attitude is summed up as “I’m Newt Gingrich, and I know shit. I knew Reagan. I will deign to accept this invitation for a ‘debate’ but you know I’m your president.” He mentioned Reagan like some valley girls use the word “like” and argued for abolishing the federal courts when they rule in a way with which he disagrees. When Megyn Kelly pointed out former conservative attorney generals and judges have said this is dangerous, Gingrich called the courts “arrogant” and said he had a better understanding of the law than judges and lawyers because he’s a historian. Further, he was claiming Obama killed the Keystone XL Pipeline - not true.

Mitt Romney was obtuse on most points. He claimed he doesn’t want to discriminate against gay people, but pulled a Gingrich and said he believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. He was hawkish on Iran and basically said if you posture against the US, we’ll blow you up. Other than that, he was his usual Milquetoast Mittens.
America because these people all stand varying chances of being elected.

In summary: The GOP is zealous in their wish to beat Barack Obama, but forgot to find presidential candidate. Oops.